“How could he serve 20 years for something he didn’t do?” We rightly get upset when we see injustices; we binge on crime dramas–Law and Order, docuseries about those wrongly convicted and we become invested in their stories.
But the truth is that many of us are just dissociating from the battle we are waging in our own internal courtroom, our mind. There we spend far too much time serving as prosecutor of the most unforgiving and cruel variety.
We show up in our lives everyday bringing arguments and what appears to be sound reason for why we should be judged, why we deserve to be imprisoned (in our lives), justifying why things are going terribly wrong for us.
A terrible defense
The problem is we have a shitty defense attorney. She’s a nice person, when she shows up, but she is quite soft spoken and not nearly as strong in her convictions as that damn prosecutor. It’s not her fault. She has gone up against this prosecutor before and been berated. She’s let herself become overwhelmed by the sheer volume and barrage of negativity.
But we need that defense attorney. We need her on her best day, when she is feeling confident and ready to take on what the world throws at her. We need her to remind us that we are an upstanding citizen, that we don’t deserve to be punished, and that regardless of our previous actions we always have the ability to change moving forward. We need her to point out our successes and our strengths so that we can believe in them and have hope moving forward.
You rule the courtroom
Particularly at this time of year, when we are fraught with failed new year’s resolutions and another year passed not any closer to where we want to be, it is important that we give that defense attorney a megaphone.
Put more energy into forgiveness than beating yourself up, more energy into defending yourself than prosecuting each action you complete.
Best of all, you rule this courtroom, only you have domain over your mind. As the prosecutor and the DA, you determine the jury. You get to decide who makes up the jury of your peers. Surround yourself with positive, loving people that want to see the good in you, support your future goals, and believe in you. You are only judged by a jury, or all the opinions of those around you, if you chose to be. Let go of the hearsay, opinions and expectations that others have for you and choose to live a life that resonates with who you are and what you want to see in the world.
Live each day grateful for your freedoms. Don’t resort to imprisoning yourself due to overwhelming anxiety, negative self-talk, and expectations you are killing yourself to meet.
Take it one day at a time. With each small win, each little argument and positive accolade, that defense attorney will gain her voice back. She will learn to defend again. She will protect. She will force out all the negative opinions. She will learn to handle all those arguments the prosecutor throws her way, because they will still come, but over time, they will become easier to deflect. And giving her power and a voice will set you free!
Write your own story.
Gratitude. Self-discovery and acceptance. Forgiveness. Action. Resilience. These things sustain her. So instead of feeding her Chinese take-out on a long night preparing for her cases, help her out by arming her with something that will feed the soul.
May 2019 be the year your defense attorney quits backing down, regains her courage and sets you free! Be courageous my dear.
*Note: This is just an analogy that I believe I read in a great article on suicide in O magazine and I wanted to expound upon. I have nothing against prosecutors, DAs, and have no particular expertise in the legal system.
I needed this today. I swear sometimes I’ve lost my voice. Or either I’m not talking loud enough. But not literally but figuratively. What was once easy speaking up for myself and speaking what my heart dissipated. In this loud world I’m trying to fight back and regain the voice that spoke so clear. It sucks but I won’t give up without. Fight
Aw I love to hear this Lelia! It’s not always easy but finding that confidence and clarity to speak your truth is important. Wishing you well my dear!