I never valued my looks. In all honesty, my self-worth was based on my academic prowess, not on my ability to garner a catcall. This would be some typical self-talk “well your body might not be banging but you’re smart.” Like hello, why did I feel like I couldn’t be both. For years I justified one quality over another instead of working to have it all and improve myself as a whole.
I talked down to myself and through that felt worse, binge ate more, and hid from society. It’s funny how easy it is to hide from society in many ways when you are 2-3 times the size of a “normal” human. You stick out and yet you don’t—often your body language says don’t look at me, I don’t want to take up this space in the world.
Now I express myself freely, I wear what I want, I try to take care of myself, and I just feel more confident moving around in my body.
Was it losing weight that did this? Perhaps a little. But it was more how I talked to myself and gained confidence and trust in myself in the process. I lost the fear of judgement of others and learned to trust myself and how my body feels.
I dropped the limits holding me back and decided to move. I let go of the guilt and shame about what I had done to myself and decided to do something about it.
You know what I have realised? People want to be around people who like themselves. Who are having a good time. Who will get out on the dance floor and dance like a fool and not worry about others judging them. THOSE are the people everyone is attracted to. Why? Its a sense of liberation and freedom that comes with being friends with them—like you aren’t being judged either. We can all just be our happy freaky selves.
So dance even if you feel silly. Move and walk even if you’re not as fast as others. Make yourself feel sexy—because you are only as sexy as you feel about yourself! Drop the self-hate and learn to love every part of your body for what purpose it serves or how you have gotten to this point and it will change you!
(For those who don’t know… I am doing “30 days to 30” and sharing life lessons and stories in order to celebrate my birthday—hoping to break stigmas and stereotypes about what 30 means and looks like)